What Are Some Acceptable Things to Yell at Pro Athletes?
Really? More yelling at people just trying to do their jobs? I suppose if it's going to happen anywhere, a game makes sense.
Welcome to “The Salty Cod,” a monthly column in which humorist Steve Calechman grapples with uniquely New England dilemmas.
Illustration by Dale Stephanos
Dear Salty Cod: What are some acceptable things to yell at pro athletes?
Really? More yelling at people just trying to do their jobs? I suppose if it’s going to happen anywhere, a game makes sense. It’s live, unscripted, and emotional. You’re in a crowd of like-minded people, offering courage through anonymity. You also might have been drinking just a touch. The result? “It gives us license to do things we wouldn’t do,” says Michael Pratt, professor of management and organization at Boston College’s Carroll School of Management.
Oh, and we care way, way too much. While we hate the opposition, any muff by someone on our side feels like an act of betrayal. Of course, what that player might need most is encouragement, a little, “Keep your head up, kid.” But somehow, we believe the most useful and inspiring thing is, “Catch the ball, you moron.”
We can and should do better, Boston. We’re a funny people, and humor makes everything go down easier. And yet we don’t use it enough. There should be a lot more: I feel your focus is lacking…. You know these games count, right?… Somebody sure wants to go to Worcester…. I think you missed the meeting on doing your job…. I’ll just say this about your play: It’s not good. And our new chant? Un-der-whelm-ing.
If we combine that with our sports knowledge, of which we have a buttload, we’d be super special. Athletes like to say they don’t hear the comments, but they do. Jonathan Papelbon, closer for the 2007 World Series champion Boston Red Sox, loved the noise; it got him pumped up, he tells me. He especially loved it when fans’ heckling was actually informed. In St. Louis, he once got, Bring him in in the eighth, and then he’ll blow it in the ninth, and his reaction was, “Yeah, that might happen.”
With four major Boston pro teams, we can reach a higher level of creativity quick if we’re just willing to try. But what if we become true leaders in fandom smack talk and dig a little deeper, be a little braver, and express what we’re really feeling, something closer to: Don’t you know I’m living through you?… Your mistakes are better than any of my successes…. If only I could yell away the emptiness. How good would it feel to be so honest and free?
So good, so good.
Got a question for the Salty Cod? Send it to [email protected].
Previously: Why Don’t Many Apple Cider Doughnuts Taste Like Cider?
A version of this story appeared in the print edition of the November 2025 issue.
