What are People Trying to Accomplish by Wearing a Fleece Vest?

Illustration be Dale Stephanos

Dear Salty Cod: What are people trying to accomplish by wearing a fleece vest?

The easy answer is not much. Staying warm requires covering the skin—keeping heat in and cold out—something the vest, by definition, can never fully do, says Dustin Allen, clinical assistant professor and director of the physiology program at Boston University. It can be comfortable and make you feel warm, but “from a thermoregulation perspective, it’s idiotic,” he says.

Big deal that it’s idiotic. Sure, clothes need to perform, but they’re also for making statements. Back in the non-central-heating 17th and 18th centuries, when base layers were really needed, the vest was saying, “Why yes, ladies, that is my suit of armor. Would you like to touch my bevor?” (Protects the throat.) Or, since no one owned a lot of threads, if you had a silk embroidered vest, the message was, “You were doing okay,” says Michelle Finamore, a Salem-based fashion historian and curator.

Patriots’ head coach Mike Vrabel wears the vest; the vest does not wear him. / Photo via Getty Images

So what would the fleece vest be saying? “I support public radio.” “Sorry, everyone. I’m off the market.” “I also love my Crocs.” All true, but the real, bottom-line message is: “I don’t give an eff,” a sentiment so pure Massachusetts that it should be on the new flag the state is still trying to figure out. People know the shortcomings. It’s not warm. It has no style. It looks foolish. (Not on you Mike Vrabel—you’re wearing the vest; the vest is not wearing you.) But this leads to the realer message of why anyone has one: “I got it for free.” Most likely it was from your tech-bro boss. (Huh, Mike Vrabel?) And whether it’s promoting a VC firm or failed robotics startup, we will always put it on, because the only thing we love more than bragging about a parking spot is getting swag and goddamn showing it off.

Oh, and we also love to be stoic and act rugged, and there’s no better garment to display these native qualities. Yeah, the vest doesn’t work in the cold. Guess what? That’s exactly why we wear it. We don’t want comfort. We want bare, frozen, numb arms while we clear a driveway or dig a fence post. All we need is a collar, and those deep pockets for our keys, phone, dog treats, hand wipes, and maybe a protein bar. Keep the sleeves. Save those for the babies in New York.